Welcome Reader
About 15 years ago, I had a book idea in mind that combined my traumatic and toxic childhood environment with video games in a way that draws readers into what those games and their characters meant to me growing up.
Now I'm in my middle ages, I finally have the formula that I need in order to make a book that talks vulnerably about my experiences growing up, and how they relate to the themes and narratives found in video games.
Hold Shift to Run talks openly about a lot of difficult topics but also wraps them in the comfort of video games and their characters.
GAMING, THEMES
I've been fascinated by video games since a young age and how we can draw comparisons between our experiences and the stories told in games.
Perhaps we can compare the stripping of the walls in Silent Hill to when our traumas are triggered or that thick fog compared to depression.
Or being constantly chased by the spider in Limbo, feeling that powerlessness as it chases you and then finding your power when you finally tear its legs off.
THE MEANING BEHIND THE GAME
I include comparisons and themes from over 19 games and for some I go into detail about specific moments that resonated with me, how they helped me to cope and what the characters meant to me growing up.
Just like in the game, I also learned that the cake was a lie and not everything was as it seemed growing up.
I used a portal not only to send myself to live in London, but also to teleport myself over to The Netherlands where I moved to start my own company at 32 years old.
Since my father left when I was 10 years old, I had always thought he didn't love me. But things took an unexpected turn in my early 20's. That's when I learned that the Cake is a Lie.
RESILIENCE & ADAPTABILITY
Losing everything at such an early age and realising that things were never going to be the same again felt like when Midgar collapses in Final Fantasy 7. Everything familiar is gone and you have to find your way in a new world.
If that wasn't bad enough, then Aeris dies and we're left grieving a character that we loved. Just like in my life, I had to grieve the loss of someone who I thought would be around forever.
FREEDOM & AUTONOMY
I felt much safer in the world of Azeroth, where I could be myself and not be judged. I could create my own character and be whoever I wanted to be. I could safely connect with other gamers knowing that I could log off whenever I wanted.
Since autonomy is one of my most prominent needs, I could find this in games like Warcraft and titles from the Elder Scrolls series.
It was in these vast worlds, I could get lost for days and feel safe from the things that scared me in the real world.
MY HEROES
I became super interested in communication, language and speechcraft when I heard friends of mine at Junior school being witty, retorting and making jokes.
At the age of 10, my father left who was my hero. I had to replace the lessons that I hoped from him with the lessons taught in video games.
I fell in love with the character Guybrush Threepwood from Monkey Island because he was so witty, entrepreneurial and had a great sense of adventure. He was fully autonomous and inspiring to me.
CAREGIVERS
My father had left me at a young age with an overly controlling mother who I both loved and hated.
I developed an unhealthy resentment towards her growing up which drives my need for autonomy and independence.
It was this difficult and toxic dynamic that made me so resentful towards her which came to a dangerous head in my early twenties in "the night of the cheese dog".
Over the last 20 years in therapy, I've learned valuable lessons which helped me to create a healthy understanding of her and also, to tackle the guilt trap that even left me feeling guilty with my partners.
Beta Readers
So that I can polish the book up before publication, I have opened a Beta Reading phase where I invite readers to provide feedback for the chapters I can assign for them.
To sign up as a Beta Reader, visit the Beta page
